Fan fiction test!

[GoodWitchGlinda]

TERRIFIC!

[galindafiedgirl215]

Thanks! Glad you like it!

[stars in the sky]

Very cool. One recommendation-- I think you need to make it more clear why Nerote would do what he's doing and how our favorite witches tie into his plans. It's a bit unclear.

Otherwise, *squee*!

[galindafiedgirl215]

Well, Nerote is pretty mucha guliable character, which we are intending to imply in future chapters (though I thought it was pretty well explained here, but then agani I am the one writing it lol!). And we are really going into what happend to them yet. . . you'll find out later on lol

[Yackle]

That was a great chapter. You always leave us wanting more!

I do agree that Nerote's character needs a little more development. In fact it took me a minute to even remember who he was! Maybe some foreshadowing in earlier chapters would be appropriate. He needs more of a "back-story." Just my opinion.

I really do love your style.

[galindafiedgirl215]

Hey you guys! DE and I are loving the constructive critism! We are definatly taking what you say to heart and working on it. So jsut wanted to let you guys know that if there is anything else you think needs working on, feel free to tell us!

GG

[imperfectly_green]

Yay! Awesome, awesome, awesome, as usual. I'm glad you made it long. Just one thing: Did Glinda never tell Nerote the truth bout Elphaba & co.? I know that he didn't know waaaaay back in the second posting, but what about Ali and Fae's relationship? How could they have met if Fae's father didn't know the truth? Did the family visit Glinda in secret? And if Glinda didn't tell him, why couldn't she fully trust her own husband? Did she feel that he would use the truth against her? Did Glinda ever think that something like this might happen (that her husband would rise up against her, not that he would be corrupted by an evil stone)? And what exactly does Nerote plan to do now that he "rules" the kingdom? I agree that there needs to be a little bit more of a backstory. Will patiently await the next chapter...

[imperfectly_green]

I'm really sorry about that. My computer was acting up, and I thought the message hadn't gotten through... I really didn't mean to be a wast of valuable space. So, so, so sorry, again. If you weren't on when I originally posted and didn't see the six identical messages, ignore this.

[galindafiedgirl215]

Hey! Not to worry. And we are giong to have the answers to all your questions (well, I think all) in the next chapter. We decided since there were so many requests about who Nerote is that we better address them! SLC! Oh I can't wait for you guys to see! Well, DE is prolly already going to get me for posting too much, so I better go before I blab the big secret. . . .

GG

[imperfectly_green]

"Some of us won't mind if you blab" she says with an evil grin. Sorry I bombarded you with questions, but whenever I read a good story I get hyper about it. But unlike a published book, I can't turn the page and find the answers right under my own nose. Though I think I like this way better...the suspense!

[galindafiedgirl215]

No problem! Lol we love it when people get so into our story they ask questions! Gives us a reason to keep going and think of difrent ways of answering them and new plot twists. And if I blabbed, I am really scared that the fact that DE and I are blood wouldn't save me from the harm she would inflict. . . lol jk but still I can't tell. Anyways thanks again lol!

[stars in the sky]

To piggyback on imperfectly_green's comments, I think you should also address just how someone whom Glinda deemed wonderful enough to wed is now working evilly against his own wife and daughter.

But you're probably already on it

[galindafiedgirl215]

Nerote reclined in a chair by the fireplace in his bedroom. His head
in his hands, he stared at the flames, recalling bygone days with anger
and yet . . . could it be . . . a hint of fondness? He tried to shake
the feeling, but it wouldn't move. He struggled like this for a while,
and finally succumbed to the wave of memories that engulfed him.

Days when he wasn't Nerote, but the old him. The person that had been
hidden for years, all because of that wretched sorceress of a stone. He looked at
his hands. These weren't his hands! They were the hands of a body he
had dreamed of, yet now it seemed ugly and a disgrace in his eyes.
"Nerote! Ha! What a name is that?" he thought to himself, throwing
another glance to the door, as if to make sure no one could hear his
thought.

He longed for the old days. The days of simplicity. The days where he
wasn't Nerote the ruler, or Nerote the husband of Glinda. He wanted to
go back in time, turn the time dragon's hands back 20 years ago, when
he had been a college student. When all he had been was a college
student by the name of Boq.

He wasn't stupid. He had learned long ago that Elphaba wasn't the one
who had changed him into that horrible tin man. Or at least that
wasn't what she wanted to happen. Yet the anger still burned inside
him. He needed to hate someone, and Elphaba took the place of
Nessarose.

After he had 'melted' her (he wished he had known then what he knew
now) he had gone back home and was hit with a realization: this was
what he was known as. He was never going to be Boq the human. All Oz
simply knew him as the Tin Man who had helped kill the Wicked Witch of
the West. He hated the whole prospect of life like that. He hated
knowing that now he could never be with Glinda. And, most of all, he
hated life.

Things continued like this for weeks. He simply sat and stared at his
hands. This wasn't him! Why couldn't the real him escape this prison
house that was his body? He wanted to be human! He would practically
be willing to trade his soul for it. Little did he know that that was
the price he would have to pay.

He looked at his black necklace, the smoke like dust constantly
swirling, in turmoil, like his soul. "What soul?" he thought to
himself with an evil chuckle. "I gave that up long ago. And for what?
For this wretched life!" He knocked everything off the mantle, and
stood breathing heavily for a moment. He laid his head back onto his
hands. Why did he ever accept that offer?

The stone had been a trinket he spotted on one of his many walks, while
he was contemplating his fate with hate and bitterness. It had caught
his eye, even though it wasn't anything special. Just a black stone,
much like quartz. Yet, something made him keep it. He had simply sat
it on the mantle. But, at night, he caught himself waking up, thinking
he heard voices.

He tried to dismiss it as a simple creek of his new tin body, but
something told him it was more. Much more. One morning he woke up, and
prepared to go about his morning routine of oiling himself. But when
he went to begin at his finger joints, he stared in shock. His
fingers! They were flesh! He ran to the mirror, and looked. The rest
of him human! It wasn't his face though. To him, it didn’t matter. He
was human again!

He ran back into his kitchen. Black fog covered the entire room. He
couldn't explain it, but something made him walk into the center. Even
he didn’t quite remember what had happened after that, but his mission
was apparent. He was to go into the Emerald City as a new man with a
new identity. This new man, Nerote Zanig, was to capture the heart of
Glinda the Good.

From there, the rest was history. He swept Glinda the Good off her
feet, using his newfound courtly manners, and his story of being a
prince. He showered he with the attention he had always longed to. It
seemed to him to be paradise.

Their wedding had be perfect, as was everything that Glinda had her
hand in. Pink flowers covered everything, and it was a time of joy and
celebration. He and Glinda we overjoyed at the news that she was
expecting a child, a girl, nonetheless. But the name Glinda had
decided on enraged him more than words can tell. She wanted to name
the baby no other name than Elphaba.

He couldn't even call the baby by name when she was born. He decided
to christen her with the nickname Fae, hoping that it would take some
of the sting out of the memory. But it didn't.

Years passed, and he fell in the shadows of Glinda. This isn't what he
had wanted! He had dreamed of being a team with Glinda! Working side
by side, sharing in their glory! But the people of Oz only had room
enough in their heart for she and Fae. He now began to wear the black
stone around his neck constantly.

It angered him further who his wife and daughter would often be gone
for a week at the time, on "public relation" trips, to which he wasn't
allowed to attend. The stone seemed to whisper to him on those nights
by himself, "Trust not, trust not."

Nerote tried to drive the voices from his mind, but they were always
there, lurking around every thought he took. The more he heard, the
more he agreed with what it said. He had been pushed from what he
deserved. Glinda didn’t care about him. Fae wasn’t his child. The
words ate him up inside, until his heart and his soul were as black as
coal.

He deserved to have that throne! Not Glinda! He was a more competent
ruler! He had to find a way to overthrow her. Years passed. The
stone continued to mutter its phrase, "Don't trust, don't trust." And
then, the stone grew into its own, almost sharing his body.

He knew the whole plan before it even began. Something inside told him
the darkness was coming. And when Glinda had taken the "extended"
trip, he knew exactly what she was up to. He seized the opportunity.
"And now?" he thought to himself, stirring the fire. "Now I have all I
ever wanted. But it still isn't enough!" he said as he pounded his
fist against the mantle. A servant knocked on the door to bring him
his nightly tea. He rejected it, saying he was retiring to his bed
early that night, due to the stress the prisoners had caused him.

And though he lay there all night, sleep never came. Glinda's memory
haunted him. He could hear her shrieks over and over again. Finally
he resided himself to the fact that sleep wouldn't come, and laid
there, his whole inner and out self tossing and turning.

[DancingElphie]

All credit goes to GG for this chapter (she's been on a roll!). I tried it, but mine turned out... well, not so good. Y'all don't deserve that. Anyways, we know it's relativly short, but we hope this answers all your questions.

[stars in the sky]

WOW! YOu guys went above and beyond the call of duty with this one!

::is absolutely floored::

Poor Boq, though.