Wicked Story - Feedback Please!!!

[Elphiegrl122]

~This is my first story, so give me some feedback please! If anyone has a suggestion for a title, I could use some advice - enjoy!!!~


Glinda turned and breathed in a tearful sigh. She was gone. For good. With a small wimper, she picked up the Grimmerie and, tucking it under her arm, vowed never to forget her truest friend.

*Oztober the Ninety Eleventh*

"Miss Glinda...Glinda please wake up - you have an Ozian Council meeting in one hour!"
The small lump of pink, twisted under layers of covers, slowly awakened. "Oh, Kristie", Glinda quietly said."You have no idea what today is, do you?"
"Ma'am?" the maid questionned.
Glinda sighed and sat up. "Never mind. You wouldn't understand; I'll be down in a few minutes."
"Yes Ma'am." Kristie left the room, and the ruler of Oz slowly crawled out of bed, and confronted her full length mirror. Without makeup, the lines from years of wear were obvious. It was hard to believe that only a year ago, she had been the bubbly schoolgirl that everyone at Shiz University loved. So much had happened since then - since she died.
"Oh Elphie", she murmered sadly. "How I miss you..." Tears began to roll down her face, swollen from the sobs the night before. She could hear her old roommate's voice even now, as clear as day, "Oh Galinda, you ninny! You look absolutely fine! Now get dressed and put a smile on that face - everyone knows your'e the most popular girl in Oz." Despite her sadness, a smile glimmered on over Glinda's soft lips - but only for a moment. It was hard enough to face the anniversary of Elphaba's death, but to do it alone was just too much to bear. "How could you leave me?" she asked, suddenly angry. "I needed you - I need you even now - I need..." Heartbroken, she collapsed to the floor and burst into sobs. "Why?" she cried. "Why did you leave me?" And there she stayed until Kristie finally came in and carried her to bed, her feverish screams of agony echoing through the empty room for hours.

"Fiyero, where are have you put my broom? You know that I have things to do today!" Elphaba scrambled out of the closet and madly ran to the bedroom. "You have hidden it from me - now tell me where you put it!"
"Hunny, you are not well to be flying today. Look at yourself - you need rest. Now come back to bed and we'll talk this over."
"NO!" Elphaba yelled. "I must keep moving, I have things to do, places that I must go..."
"Come here , you don't know what your'e saying!" Fiyero attempted to lead her back to bed.
"Galinda, where are you? Where have you gone - I want to see you Galinda!" Elphaba gripped Fiyero tightly, her eyes darting around the room frantically.
"Darling, please come with me. You and I both know what today is, and it is no time for work - please calm down!"
"I miss her" Elphaba gasped. "You have no idea... she thinks I am dead...the truth...I want her to know the truth..."
"You must put this in the past, do you hear me? There is nothing we can do, just let this go!" ]
"HOW CAN YOU ASK ME TO STAY CALM! I need Galinda, I NEED her!" Elphaba's green tear-streaked face revealed undescribable anguish. "Galinda, forgive me...Please...I miss you so much..." Elphaba slowly slipped into Fiyero's arms, her face tight with a look of pure agony.

[defyingravity11]

I LOVE IT!!!!!! i really like how u brought elements from the play and book together. please continue!! ;D ;D

[Elphiegrl122]

Thanks! I'm glad you like it - i'm working on the next part right now, so I should be done by the end of today

[Elphiegrl122]

Okay, here's some more of the story - I could still use ideas for a title, or any other comments please!


It had been four years. Of pain, sorrow, mourning - would it end? Glinda's frowning face magnified on her small vanity table, as she tried desperatly to keep a wild curl down.
"Oh! You look so beautiful. That ozeriffic outfit will surely win the crowd's heart!" Veillian smiled from the doorway. "Lets go sweetie, you don't wanna be late!"
"Yes, I suppose I don't, um darling, well, about my speech...its about Elph - the wicked witch of the west. She-"
Glinda's boyfriend gave a laugh. "She's gone now thanks to you!" Glinda flinched. "Now whats this all about hunny?"
"Oh, nothing of course, just...you know...pre-speech jitters!" she laughed nervously.
"Well, come along then, I want you to see my new swankified Ozmobile 2000! You see, I began to think about it, and said to myself, Vel, you need a new Ozmobile, so I traded my 1999 model in and boy can I tell you, it made..." As her boyfriend blabbered on, Glinda trailed behind, trying hard to fight down the guilt that was slowly rising up in her.
"I'm sorry Elphie, but it is for the best..." she stammered under her breath.

The crowd was huge. Munchkins and Ozians, all varying in height, coated the yellow brick road. A small podium had been hastily set up, and Glinda the Good slowly approached and waited for the applause to die down.
"Four years ago, the wicked with of the West was...was kil-killed." It was hard to not scream, to deny the fact that her dear friend had died. "Since then, I feel we have made great progress, but need to make peace with our old Allies. I fear that the Golden Age is ending, and, should something horrible occur, we will need trusted help."
The many listeners looked hopefully at the speaker; the time of victorious truimph over the witch had passed, and now the whole land of Oz was suffering because of their leader's poor decisions. Among the serious faces, there was one that stood out from the rest. The woman was covered in a dark green veil, and had an easily readable smirk on her face.
"Oh Galinda dear" she said, shaking her head, "You haven't changed a bit."

[Elphiegrl122]

Heres some more!!! Does anyone know what Elphaba and Fiyero's nicknames for each other are? Thanx!

"So how was the lecture today?" Fiyero asked with a smile. "Did you see her?"
"Yes", Elphaba sighed. "I miss Galinda so much. Couldn't I just-"
"No", Fiyero cut in. "We made an agreement - no more sneaking into the Emerald City after today. If Oz found out that you lived, think of the consequences!"
"Oh, you're probably right. You know, she is exactly the same as I remember her - although...well...something is wrong. I can see it in her eyes." Elphaba sat down. "I wish I could just...talk to her, see what is going on, what isn't right..." She held her head in hands and sighed. "Yero, I must talk to her - this is an emergency. please."
"Elph, you know that I love you, and I would do anything to see you and Glinda together again, but this is dangerous. If she were to know the truth...you have to believe me - it is better for us to leave her alone." Elphaba swallowed down her argument. He had won the debate, and she knew it. There was nothing to do about it. yet.

The night was darker than usual, and the eerie moon cast a ghostly glow over the forest. Elphaba quietly escaped to a grassy clearing nearby the cottage, and lept onto her broom. WIth a deep breath, one word was spoken - "fly." and the former wicked witch of the West flew into the sky. She was on a mission - for Galinda's sake.

A tapping on the door interupted Galinda's perfect dreams.
"Come...in..." she mumbled sleepily, and an Ozian Guard entered the room.
"I am sorry to wake you at this hour ma'am, but a woman has severly fallen in the Gilliken Forest. She is badly wounded. It is almost as if...well, she fell from such a great distance...but we have her in the Emerald City hospital now, and she continues to say your name. Do you know anyone living near the woods?"
"No, I don't believe so - is she going to be all right?"
"We're not sure, but the chances are slim. Her screams of your name are waking up and disturbing the other patients. We thought, well, we were hoping...if it wouldn't be a terrible inconvenience to you..."
"I'll have Chaffon drive me over immediatly. Thank you officer."
"Oh, thank you Miss Glinda." the guard replied graciously.

[defyingravity11]

i wanna find out what happens!!!
i belive that fiyero was "yero" and ephie was "flaba" (in the book)
also, mabey a good title would be "your whole life is gonna change, and all because of me" or some shortened version of that
write more soon!

[Casey]

Yeah, Elphaba was called "Fabala" and "Fae" by Fiyero in the book, and Glinda called her "Elphie" in the musical, so those are her nicknames.


Awesome story!! I can't wait for the rest of it!

[Twisted]

Fiyero also called Elphaba "Elphie-Fabala-Fae", but "Fae" was only the name she used when she was in the Emerald City, in the book.

And also in the book, there is one instance of Elphaba calling Fiyero "Yero my Hero", which is just cute, IMO.

From what I've read of the story, it's well done. ^_^. I'd make better critiques/comments, but I'm not on my own computer, and when I do stuff like that, I like to use Word. I'm weird. Heh. But from what I can see; so far, so good!

[bubbles_n_brooms]

i really like the story so far, it's going well and i can't wait to see what happens next. just on suggustion try to make the diolouge a little easier to read other then that the stroy is great. update soon.

~chele~

[Elphiegrl122]

Heres a lil bit more!

The Emerald City Hospital is a place of death and rebirth, fear and hope. It is full of waiting - waiting to live, or waiting to die. Glinda had been there before, but only to give gifts to the children during the holidays. For some reason, it seemed different now. More bleak and intimidating. "Excuse me, where might I find the young woman just discovered in the Gilliken Forest?"
"Oh! Thank goodness - you have come to stop the noise! Just follow the yells, dear. Second floor, you can't miss it."
Glinda hesitantly followed the secretary's instructions, and sure enough, once she stepped onto floor two, an eruption of screams and moans echoed through the halls. Glinda wandered until she found where the noise was loudest - room 142. Quietly, she entered, to find an array of tubes and machines in the way of the patient. "Is anyone back there?" she whispered, to hear a reply of "I need Galinda. Please, you don't understand...where have you gone Galinda?"
"Galinda - no ones called me that for quite a while - who are you?" Glinda wondered aloud, only to be interrupted with more remarks.
"I want her to know the truth...where is Galinda, I want to see her right now!" the young woman broke into feverish sobs, "Oh Fiyero, love, please help me find her...please..."
"Fiyero?" the astonished visitor asked the delirious woman. "You knew my Fiyero? WHO ARE YOU?"

[defyingravity11]

CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

[idina_kristin_fan]

Please please continue now! If there's one thing I'm a sucker for, it would be juicy Fiyeraba fics ( and also preganant Elphie stories.... hintity hintity)

[steamedartichoke131]

write more!!!
this is really good!!

[*.:ThinkPink05:.*]

Yeah!!! Its OZSOME!!! ;D Great Job!!

[wickedelphie1121]

this is really really really good! ;D